I don’t know how to categorise this post, should I warn that this is/may be a rant? Anyway. A friend gave me a new perspective about why I write: (I may have too high aims for my writing) perhaps I write simply so that I can put thought to words and then let go and forget about them.
Ok. This post is about social issues.
I find people boring. This is/was a statement I made back in secondary school. It can be a bit offensive. It also inadvertently made a friend conscientious of the things she said/behaved around me. I got bored because people have ‘pet topics’ and talked about that same thing all the time. Things like family. Being depressed. Academics. I am guilty of this repetitiveness too.
But these are two things which I find especially triggering. Socially UNACCEPTABLE:
I like to think that people are generally pretty nice. Understanding. Mature. Kind. I have written about the better side of human nature: I think that while people with problems (like depression, mental illness, OCD) may feel ashamed of their struggles, they need not be. I think that generally most people have people they love/know of who struggle with such issues. The general population is kind towards people who are different. Think about many movements for equality, better treatment of people. Kindness movements. Racial equality and how that translates to laws, ‘affirmative action’. Gender issues being brought up more. Being against fat AND skinny shaming. Being different is ok.
I would like to think that if people knew exactly how much what they said hurt, they would not say it.
But that doesn’t always make their words excusable.
I realised this is one thing I absolutely cannot take. I don’t mind swearing as much as this. I hate it when my family complains, talks about negative things like: I don’t like my boss, I’m always getting bullied, the government sucks, women are way too favoured over men (ok, I don’t mind alternative viewpoints, but seriously, do some research and give me statistics before you rant, don’t speak emotionally haha ok am I hypocritical here?)
The ABSOLUTE WORST is saying something bad about someone else. I don’t like gossiping. I don’t think I ever did. This is a huge turn off, especially if I don’t know the person who is talking well. I don’t understand this, actually. I think it occurs pretty frequently. WHY would you say something bad about someone when we’re meeting for the first few times? About how your mother favours guys over girls and hence you feel angry at your mother for ‘mistreating’ you. About a junior you dislike who is coming to your faculty, you narrate a story about how you were civil to him and describe him as being arrogant (without substantiation, mind you).
Please. Just don’t say these things. It makes me rather sad. Anxious. Angry. What if I’m one of those people who have the negative traits that they are describing (or rather, I’m being misunderstood as showing favouritism, being arrogant). I think I’ve been rather lucky to be amongst relatively ‘nice’ people in my schooling years. While there were negative people, I had a ‘nice bubble’ I could go to, who were available all the time, since they were in my class. The concept of class does not exist now, unfortunately. I suppose that I forget how nasty people can be, how they can be unthinking, immature, unapologetic. I don’t get how people can just say these really terrible things casually. What are they thinking? Is it for lack of topics to talk about? (Just shut up). Is it to get to know each other better? So that I know what they cannot stand? Do they think that by saying something negative it makes us like them because they’re, opinionated? Emotionally open – they are being vulnerable to us? To know that they are better than the people they are criticising?
With this disastrous first encounter, I struggle to see them in the same way that I (would like to) see humans. As deserving of the highest form of love. As being kind and generous, traits which can be discovered if I take the effort to get to know them.
(Ok getting quite tired)
I don’t like meeting people in the context of school. I feel like there isn’t much to talk about. We talk about what we are studying, the classes that we’ve been in, what we like or dislike, our future plans, sometimes, the grades that we get. All these things that I’m not actually super interested in/ ‘things of the world’. I hate it especially because it feels like we’re in a rat race chasing for grades; perhaps I’m imposing the feeling upon myself. To be more likeable in class, smile more, speak up more, being anxious about school.
I much prefer meeting someone in other contexts, we have much better conversations that divert into things that matter to people. Families, interests.
But I admit that conversation is a two way interaction. I need to learn the art of making better conversation with school mates. I wonder is the conversation poor because I’m not passionate about what I’m studying/don’t think about my future with it as a subject? Generally, I feel that the ‘school’ environment has become quite a toxic place. I need to change my mindset.